I am an interfaith hospice chaplain who on average handles 20 deaths every week; at times I manage 40. This number may sound staggering but it’s not. As people age and society understands death, more people will choose to die with the dignity of hospice.
The career of a chaplain is not one of the most appealing for new clergy. Why would someone want to hold the hand of a woman as she goes in and out of consciousness surrounded by her family and friends? Did I, someone Jewish, think that I would perform a cremation? As a side note, more people are asking for cremation due to the expense of burial.
As a Jewish communal leader who overcame learning difficulties, my spiritual calling to be a chaplain has been one of the more fulfilling aspects of my life both personally and professionally. Before my shift to hospice, I spent a year in residency as the first Jewish chaplain in the Deep South doing hospital chaplaincy.
The work of a chaplain in healthcare is fundamental to both how systems operate and the complete betterment of the patient. I split my time between bedside care which involves being there as the patient and family deal with a death to the weekly grief therapy I call “Cognitive Behavioral Spirituality.” This form of therapy includes weekly pastoral sessions that end in homework for my client. By doing homework like getting a massage or eating something fatty and delicious, I help walk them back into life. Grief is not a straight line. The path towards finding meaning and purpose is different for each person.
When I moved to the Bay Area to work for my company, I took this job knowing that I would primarily see non-Jews. Since Oct. 7 and its aftermath, I have been an advocate for more Jewish professionals to work in non-Jewish spaces. To put it in Talmudic language, the sage Hillel had it right when he said, “If I’m only for myself who am I”? If we want allies, we must expand how we’re seen in the communities we inhabit.
Another term for what I do is “death doula.” Similarly to helping women give birth, I am there at the time when it really matters. In one encounter, I went to lead an extubation at our local San Jose hospital where life-support tubes were removed from a patient. As a member of the clergy who takes pride in my appearance, most of my shoes come from Cole Haan, a brand I love. As I entered the hospital room, the daughter of the patient looked at me and through tears told me how much she loved my shoes! This, as her father was dying. I am so fortunate to have these and many more stories to share and to help guide and facilitate these conversations.
In another encounter with a family I served, I led my first celebration of life at a local Mexican restaurant. Surrounded by loved ones there to honor their matriarch, we toasted with Reposado tequila. How meaningful that was!
Due to my personal circumstances that led me to pursue chaplaincy in all of its raw and beautiful moments, I feel I have found my calling, and I look forward to helping more members of clergy become chaplains so that this career can be one that helps others thrive!
Jonah Sanderson is a chaplain and interfaith hospice provider. His training includes his master’s degree from theAcademy Jewish for Religion, as well as a residency in Gastonia, North Carolina.
