It was the fall of 2010. I was sitting on the train, going back to my college in Westchester, New York and crying my eyes out. I was halfway through my internship at “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart,” and I was not doing well.
I’d spend all day transcribing boring tapes of politicians giving speeches. I’d run errands and carry heavy groceries up the stairs and cut bagels for unappreciative writers who wouldn’t even acknowledge my existence. I’d try to connect with my fellow interns, but to no avail. They were all Ivy Leaguers, and I was a state school student. I felt like I wasn’t supposed to be at this internship, that I was totally out of place and the reason I didn’t fit in was because I was a failure.
I’d dreamed of working at “The Daily Show,” and was elated when I found out I snagged one of 10 internship positions. After all, 1,000 students had applied, 100 were interviewed and 10 were chosen. I thought it was fate that I landed there. I was going to excel in my role, get hired as a writer or producer and be on my way to career success.
The opposite happened. At my internship, I felt lost and lonely and out of place. It wasn’t the right environment for me – but I blamed myself. I thought, “What am I going to do now after I graduate?” I knew I’d screwed up.
Back then, I was an atheist, and I couldn’t see any upside to the situation. My failure haunted me – until I started believing in God and eventually converting to Judaism.
Through my conversion classes, I learned that things happen because God sets them in motion that way. Yes, we have free will and have to put in our efforts, but ultimately, God is there to guide us and put us on the best path possible.
Although I couldn’t see it at the time of my internship, I so clearly see it now: God put up a roadblock so that I could have the life I do. And boy, am I glad He did.
I shudder at the thought of what would have happened had I excelled in television. I probably never would have become a believer again, let alone an observant Jew. As a workaholic, I would have pushed myself to my limit and put my career above everything else. I might have succeeded professionally, or I might have burnt out and failed later on. My soul would have been screaming out for help, but I wouldn’t have heard it.
My trust in God has grown immensely over the years, and I can usually see that when a roadblock occurs, it’s good for me. Sometimes, I don’t know why I face certain challenges, but I still trust that God knows what He is doing.
For instance, if I get stuck in traffic, I think, “I wasn’t supposed to arrive on time for some reason. Maybe God is helping me avoid an accident.” Or, if my bank account is running low, I say, “God wants me to trust in Him that the money will be there soon. He’s just testing me. And I won’t fail this time.”
Like clockwork, I see that when I accept what’s happening, life goes more smoothly for me. I also try my best to decipher the message and ask myself, “What path does God want me to take instead?”
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t feel hurt or angry or upset when roadblocks happen. It’s good to process your feelings and talk about them with loved ones and a therapist and get the help you need.
But at the same time, you can’t ruminate on the roadblocks forever. You can’t live life with regrets. Try to learn from them and move on to a brighter future ahead.
Thank God I “failed” at my internship all those years ago. And thank God I can see His beautiful, perfect handiwork in my life now.
Kylie Ora Lobell is an award-winning writer and Community Editor of the Jewish Journal. You can find Kylie on X @KylieOraLobell or Instagram @KylieOraWriter.
