How Did Reuven Persuade His Brothers?


Photo Credit: Jewish Press

When Yosef’s brothers decide they are going to kill him and throw him into a pit, Reuven realizes he needs to intervene to save Yosef’s life. While Reuven wants to return Yosef to Yaakov, he is caught in a predicament. What can he say or do that will convince the brothers not to kill Yosef?

The Midrash states that if Reuven would have known his decision would be recorded for history, he would have picked Yosef up on his shoulders and escorted him back to his father. But was that a realistic option? Would the brothers have allowed Reuven to just walk away with Yosef after they condemned him to death?


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Dr. Robert Cialdini is known for his research on influence and persuasion. He spent three years as an “undercover” researcher training at used car dealerships, telemarketing firms, and fund-raising organizations in order to observe, analyze, and categorize principles of effective persuasion. If we analyze how Reuven influenced and persuaded his brothers in this crucial moment, we will uncover several strategies that Cialdini outlines in his research.

In the introduction to his bestselling book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, Cialdini writes that the first and foremost principle of persuasion is tapping into the other person’s self-interest by convincing him that his decision will turn out best for him. It is so fundamental and obvious, he writes, that he doesn’t even count it as one of his six principles of influence.

And this principle, Rabbeinu Bechaye argues, was behind Reuven’s strategy to convince his brothers not to kill Yosef. He doesn’t just say, “Let’s not him” because that would leave open the possibility that Reuven was motivated by his own feelings of empathy and self-interest. Rather, he adds the word “nefesh” (“Let’s not hit his soul”) – to emphasize that the goal is to avoid killing Yosef for their own sake: so that they don’t become murderers.

Another powerful category of influence involves convincing others that you are alike and have similar interests. Rabbi Yosef Bechor Shor identifies this strategy in Reuven’s word-choice. Reuven doesn’t speak at them, saying “Don’t hit him.” Rather, he purposefully includes himself in the group with the intention of increasing his influence by saying, “Let us not hit him.”

Rabbeinu Bechaye suggests this strategy is also apparent in another strategic word-choice he makes. Instead of saying, “Don’t spill his blood,” Reuven says, “Don’t spill blood.” This subtle omission indicates to the brothers that Reuven identifies with their hatred of Yosef and is not concerned about Yosef’s blood per se. Rather, the argument is not to spill any blood for the sake of not becoming murderers.

Cialdini writes that there is a single word that dramatically boosts the power of influence: because. In one study by Dr. Ellen Langer, when people making copies at a photocopy machine were asked by a stranger “Excuse me, I have five pages, may I use the Xerox machine?” 60 percent of the people complied. When the stranger added “because I am in a rush,” 94 percent complied.

Even more fascinating, when the stranger just added the obvious explanation of “because I have to make copies,” there was still a 93 percent compliance rate. Just by adding a reason, influence is increased.

The Abarbanel sees this strategy in Reuven’s argument. At first, all Reuven says is, “Let’s not hit his soul [i.e., kill him]” (37:21). Apparently, the brothers were not convinced, so Reuven adds in the next pasuk, “Let’s not spill his blood, let’s throw him into a pit” (37:22).

The Abarbanel explains that after the brothers didn’t respond to his general statement of “Let’s not kill him,” Reuven provides a “because.” Let’s not kill him because it’s terrible to spill innocent blood directly.

By analyzing the pesukim in depth, we get a glimpse into the genius of Reuven’s strategy to stop his brothers from committing murder. By using subtle persuasion techniques, he is able to diffuse a threatening situation and save Yosef’s life.


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